


Kankri ==> Become Aware

by twii2ted_8333335



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliborn being an ass, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Humanstuck, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Rare Pairings, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-01
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-02-23 07:02:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2538626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twii2ted_8333335/pseuds/twii2ted_8333335
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aka Zack Becomes Rather Disturbed by How Much Crack He Ships </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>You would rather not. You would rather stay in the oblivious state you'd been in before. You would much rather still believe that this night would be wonderful, beautiful, for <i>you</i>. </p>
<p>You would rather rewind just a few moments and stay in that point of time forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kankri ==> Become Aware

**Author's Note:**

> I blame my uber bestie for this idea. He's such a wonderfully terrible weirdo.

You would rather not. You would rather stay in the oblivious state you'd been in before. You would much rather still believe that this night would be wonderful, beautiful, for _you_. 

You would rather rewind just a few moments and stay in that point of time forever.

♥

You knew it was a bad idea to get involved with somebody who had just broken up. After all, their heart was still mending, and many of your actions could trigger them quite badly when they were still emotionally recovering. You didn't want to further harm him, especially when he'd gone through so much already. Being the son of the preacher in town did have it's perks of knowledge. You knew how hard of a life him and his sister both had and his problems with Dirk Strider quite obviously had not helped.

You knew it was a bad idea, but when you knew his background, when you'd seen his softer sides as he went to church to supposedly humor his father, when you'd seen how happy and loving he could be when he was with Dirk — 

When you had something of a want to be with him yourself, to make him happy like that and have him make you just as happy, how could you refuse the opportunity to do so?

♥

Your first official date is awkward at first, with few words and hesitant glances at each other. You've never dated before so you aren't sure how to react; and Caliborn has never looked at anyone but Dirk so it _must_ feel strange to him to grasp the concept of you being his boyfriend. You feel as if he's constantly comparing you, even if it's not intentional. It would certainly be natural for somebody who just broke up, but it makes you feel so... inadequate. 

The ice is broken when he says you don't have to date him out of pity. That he doesn't need that shit in his life. 

You're a little offended by the implications and you tell him so but it's enough to make you realize you need to not dwell on Dirk just as much as he needs to get over him. You need to show him that you intend on having a proper relationship with him. 

You end up buying him lunch at a cute little family restaurant that you love going to. He hesitates to sit next to you at first but he easily gets comfortable with a hand around your waist. It goes no lower nor higher than it's original placing, which you're grateful for. 

By the end of the meal, you might be a little more tucked under his arm, by your own accord, but you aren't too sure.

♥

The next few dates go much more smoothly, sometimes including lunches that you both switch off on paying for, sometimes just involving walks through the park and talking and laughing. You love his laugh. Maybe because you don't hear it that often, not the boisterous, side splitting one, or maybe just because it's him and you absolutely love him. 

You love him and it hits as suddenly and hard as that baseball in middle school did — the one that knocked out two of your teeth and led you to meet Cronus. 

You love Caliborn. You like to think he loves you too, though you've never said it to each other. 

You spend the night after your fifth date researching when would be an appropriate time to bring that up.

♥

You decide to pop it up on the ninth date. Six and nine had always been your numbers after all, but you didn't feel quite ready enough by the sixth one so nine was your best bet. 

You had it all set up so perfectly and the day was going so smoothly. You pick him up for once and take him to the movie he'd been dying to see for days now, even though you don't care for gore or action movies. You walk a little and you get him to laugh that beautiful, loud laugh again.

You were quite literally getting ready to say those three small but immense words when Dirk Strider walked into the restaurant you two were eating at, with Jake English hanging off his arm. Your mouth falls open, and before you can stop him, Caliborn looks behind him and spots the couple in question. You can see the muscles in his shoulders and neck tense up, can see his jaw set as he grinds his teeth. 

You feel jealousy bubble up in you as you quietly ask for a box for the remainder of your food and for the check. The feeling doesn't leave until you're both at his home and he's got his arm around you again, relaxed and calm. 

He tries to assure you that it was just a surprise to see Dirk with his old boyfriend again but there's a tug at your chest that keeps you from fully believing him. 

♥

The mishap with Dirk sets your plans back. You lose your confidence in telling Caliborn you love him, unsure if he would say it back to you. Weeks go past, turning into a month, nearly two. You've been dating him for three months when he kisses you, unexpectedly and out of the blue. There's no sign of Dirk nor Jake nor are either of you doing anything that would make him want to kiss you. He's holding your hand, yes, but all he says is your name and when you turn to look at him you find his lips on yours. 

It's overwhelming and perfect, if not a little sloppy due to your own inexperience, and when you pull back you finally, finally pull back, you say, "I love you."

He doesn't say it back. Instead, he kisses you again, with enough of a force and vigor to convince you that he didn't need to. 

♥

The next month of your time with him is a lot more intimate, though never too far for comfort. If you show even the slightest bit of discomfort in how things are progressing, he'll stop. 

A movie often follows no matter how far you got before. Then he leaves because by that point it's late and you both have things you need to do. 

Still, you can't help but feel a little terrible for denying him so much.

So you decide that next time you'll let him go all the way. 

♥

Which brings you to this moment now. This moment when you wish you were still blissfully oblivious and in love instead of awkwardly sitting on the edge of your bed, your boyfriend sitting on the opposite side. 

Your younger brother and father were out visiting the Makara household, leaving you two alone. You had thought there was no better time than to initiate what Caliborn had so patiently waited for this past month. You had thought there was no better way to celebrate your four month anniversary with a little intimate activity, the throes of passion, the connecting bond between two people in love.

You had thought up until you realized that Dirk's name had been on Caliborn's lips when you had both finished. 

You felt exposed, even with the blanket covering you now. You felt exposed and hurt and...

And yet you still could not bring yourself to fully hate him. 

What a fool you were. 

♥

It was no surprise that you two broke up soon after that. You really shouldn't have tried getting involved in the first place. You knew it was a bad idea so soon after a break up. You knew and yet you still tried. You still thought that maybe you could help ease his pain and still keep your happiness. 

You had acted rashly, and you promised yourself that you would not repeat that mistake. So you closed yourself off. You spent more time delving into your researches and papers than you did in your social life. You lost quite a few friends and pretended it didn't hurt. You ignored advances by any one else who had been interested in you and that you may also have been interested in.

The only one who stayed by you was, surprisingly, Cronus, who consistently pursued after you, who constantly stayed by your side, who always kept you balanced even if he didn't know it.

He stayed by your side despite your harsh words and occasional break down. 

He stayed, and for once, you didn't mind being aware.

♥


End file.
